Thursday, August 31, 2006

That threat was Totally not even me! But, all the same, do let me know if, and when, the ball cutting would be taking place - cause I wouldn't miss it for the world =) They're probably not even just intimidated by your intelligence, but are even more intimidated cause you're hot AND smart and you don't want to sleep with them. Most 'normal' boys don't find hot girls that they can't make sleep with them - it's something they don't seem to encounter until grad/law school. It happens a lot, it seems.

But I'm so excited for you and your LAW SCHOOL adventures, even if they are off to a slightly asscock start. You're so smart and wonderful and so many great things are going to come out of this for you. You're amazing. And I love you.

And! (You'll both be so proud!!!) I put that whole IKEA bed together without having to call AT for help ONCE!!! We did it all by ourselves (me and Shayna, that is (who was my roommate last year)). It was most triumphant.

It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

Flopsy: Handling The World One Mafia Threat At A Time.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Boys suck

They are just trying to make you feel bad because it is a reflection of their own insecurity. They feel like they have to be all macho and boy-y because they are intimidated by your intelligence, and rather than respect you for it they are so insecure they have to be asscocks. That is the difference between boys and men.

Try to ignore them. And if they keep bugging you I'll come up and cut their balls off.


Law School is like high school, because we're all together, all the time

I hate boys.

I hate "normal" boys, the kind that are always judgmental and looking down on you whatever you do. Already I've had arguments with a couple boys -- and I hate that. They were so stupid, Chris was like oh-my-god-they're-so-immature when I told him the stories. It seems that that is the gist of it: I seem to be getting along fine with the 28-year-olds, since they don't treat me like a "girl" and they accept that I'm not a sheep.

There is nothing more infuriating than being looked down upon by the sheep because you're not a sheep. Why should I care? I may not be a sheepdog, exactly, but I'm fine with being a duck -- or a ladybug or a pig or a blade of grass -- and doing my own thing. It makes me angry that these sheep-boys actually go to the trouble of making me feel bad that I'm not a sheep. I shouldn't care. Sheep are stupid. So why do I let it get to me? I don't know. Probably because it's exhausting to try and explain to people why you are the way you are.

The girls and guys I'm friends with from before accept me just fine, no questions asked. Why can't these boys? I don't really give a shit whether they like me or not, but they should stop judging me to my face, because it pisses me off.

Friday, August 25, 2006


Room Room Room Roooooooom Roomy Room Room Room.

I have a Room. A yellow one. With some furniture in it. I'm glad.


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Chicago Apartments, aka Chicago Nightmares

So when I went to lease a place I had problems, the appartment I applied for and put a deposit on wasn't available when I wanted it. After getting jerked around a bit I managed to find a place in the same building.

My roommate put an application in and then lost 2 separate places after getting dicked around a lot. He has another place now, far away, in a land of misery.

The girl whose apartment I am moving into, I called to see if I could get in a few days early, and it turns out that her new landlord is letting the current tenant stay till the 1st, but apartment girl needs to be out by the 31st so I can move in on the 1st. So she's really screwed.

But the most screwed person ever at this point is my sister, who found a nice two bedroom in a walk up with washer dryer hook ups, in a great neighborhood. She was so excited. So they start moving in and find out, there is no water, there hasn't been water in the building for 2 weeks because the 90 year old property owner is in the hospital and has no one to take care of the property. So they are going to start looking for a new place today, because who wants to live in a place where the landlord could drop dead at any moment, and doesn't have anyone to manage the property if he does so. (In the meantime my sister and father will be living at MY place, shock and horror that I don't have clean towels waiting for them follows.)

Monday, August 21, 2006


I adore you, I knew as I was writing it that you probably had it all figured out. Because you're fabulous like that. I wish that I were closer by to provide more moral support. It can only get better from here.

But y'know, I think it's a good thing to have out there, so next time one of my friends whines about being single I can just send them a link to that post and they wont have to listen to my much more boring lecture on the topic.

I know it all...

I guess I should be more clear. I don't want just anyone at all. Were that the case, I'd probably already be married to some hick, country, Stillers fan who'll never leave the county. I'm just disappointed more than anything cause I put a lot into me and A and it didn't work and I'm bummed. It took so long for that to become legitmate and then it was stupid for sooo long - I'm just not used to being both unhappy and alone. I was alone - and then I was with someone and happy and then I was with someone and miserable. So this new square inside the matrix is a bummer. I want you to know that I don't even really want to date someone now. I'm not ready and I'm too hurt and this town is full of Barneys. By the time I'm out of here, hopefully I'll be a little more over this. But I'm not over it yet and it still hurts and I wish I had someone to hold me (cause even when he was a dick there was still that and I hate that I let that become the important thing). Everything just sucks right now. I don't want a guy, I want to be happy again and that's all mixed up and confused in my head. So when I should be thinking "I wish I was happy" I think "I wish I wasn't alone." The aren't the same, but they are in my head right now and it sucks...

Anyway, I don't want you to think that I'm going to be a psycho and jump on the first thing that walks by. I've already turned down a few guys since me and Aaron and I'm not gonna sell myself short. I just want to be happy again - and that is a personal issue - not something that a guy is gonna fix anyway.

It's just ass right now.

On Singleness

I'm not going to tell you that being single isn't that bad. I mean there are awesome things about it, you get to flirt with whoever you want, you can have random flings with hot guys, sexual experimentation and such, you can make all kinds of plans without having to consult someone else. Wanna go drinking randomly on wednesday? YAY no one to call to tell them you wont be there, DRINKS!! Want to sit around and watch sappy romantic films while eating ice cream? YAY no stupid man to make fun of you! And you can always call one of your SiS for a dish session.

On the down side, obviously it is lonely. No one to snuggle with in bed, no one waiting for you to get home, no permanant dinner buddy. But if we as women can't find a way to be happy when we are alone then we're damaging our potential future relationships.

What I'm saying is if your main goal is not to be single, then what is keeping you from dating the wrong guy? You could end up dating some guy who doesn't make you happy, who doesn't really care about you, who is abusive, or just indifferent. But Hey! At least you aren't single! It's way better being ignored or hit in the face than having to make yourself a lean cuisine for one and watch Project runway.

All I'm saying is, it would be one thing if you were saying "I really just want to meet the right guy to settle down with." But what I'm hearing is "I'm don't want to be alone for all these reasons so I really just want the security of a relationship, any relationship."

And the reason I am typing this in your general direction is because I WANT you to meet the right guy, an amazing guy who is worthy of our Lovely Flopsy. (which I am disappointed to say your last guy did not turn out to be) And I'm afraid that if you continue to be striving for a relationship you will end up being less that completely perfectly happy in your future life. Which you clearly deserve!!

Sometimes meeting the right guy means having to find a place where you don't even want a man, because then you have the freedom to choose the best one, instead of settling for the first one.

(Sometimes having friends means having to read their harsh advice and hating them for not understanding.)

Case of the Mondays...

I'm Sooooooooooooooooooo sad today. I don't even know what it is. Work is good. My room is almost finished (but it's very almost finished - so we'll see how that pans out). My cousin is starting at Pitt on Wednesday. All good things.

I want to curl up in a ball and drop dead.
I don't like being single. At. All.

And I miss you girls. Cause the girls here suck.

Friday, August 18, 2006

(Phrases of Yore)

HAHAHAHA! I have not HEARD the phrase "psycho-hose-beast" since high school! I LOVE it!

Thursday, August 17, 2006


I know exactly what you mean - it's the way my grandmother gives compliments. And she's a psycho-hose-beast.

There's ALSO that thing people do when, after you get a haircut or wear contacts for the first time, they're like:
"Oh, My God! You look SO much better like that!!"

Which is when I want to be like:
"Schmuck-ass, what did I look like before?"

I hate that. I used to get that one a lot in high school. Schmuck-asses.

You have a really pretty...

fuck off.

I just told Alex this on the phone, but I feel I should vent my anger via the internet, just so everyone knows.

I hate it when people tell me I have a pretty face. While this may seem like a compliment, I actually find it insulting. When I tell someone I like something about them, I usually either go with generic compliments "You're HOT" or very specific compliments "You have a nice ass" I don't pick areas of their general anatomy "You know, from the waist down you are quite attractive"

So "You have a pretty face" is actually code for "If you weren't such a fatty you'd be really actually attractive."

Though I could see how my general self loathing could play into this just a weeeeee bit, I still don't really think I'm wrong. And while I appreciate that people are trying to be nice to me, in the end, I'd rather think I'm all over ugly than to have to single out sections of my anatomy that are acceptable to the general public.

I'm done now.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

On The Necessity of Dish-Doing

My fingahz are all pruny.

It doesn't matter that I am dating the most amazing man alive, he just does not. Understand. Dishes. He doesn't get them! He doesn't know why they're there, he doesn't know how to get rid of them; he kind of just stares at them strangely and walks away from them. And I bet he wonders how it is that they keep jumping into the cabinets. And no amount of prodding, poking, gentle remarks, yelling, blackmail or sexual enticement will convince him of the need to do dishes. I think he doesn't really realize that I ALWAYS have to do them, because I'm sure if he did, he would feel bad. It's more like, he doesn't think there are as many as there are or it doesn't take as long as it does. We keep having "the chat about chores" but unfortunately, since he "has a job" and I admittedly do absolutely nothing, well, I won't be able to stick it in his face until school starts. And even then. I have run out of options and considering disposable eatingware.


Well, Pat has driven himself to Boston and eventual madness. I'm sure they'll be miserable together. Of course, there's really nothing I can do at this point, except wait to move to Boston. Which I'm already doing. Patiently. And then once I'm there, and hot, I'll re-begin my campaign to win him away from She-Devil-M

Apparently SnS is doing a show called "The Book of Liz" I've never heard of it before. It was funny because they were seriously talking about doing Little Shop of Horrors... Haha. Sigh.

So, yesterday, I was driving into Squirrel Hill and I passed an old lady - probably about 70ish years old - at the Bus Stop. She was wearing a Fuchsia Wig...



How does one even GET a Fuchsia Wig?! Does one walk into a Wig store and go straight to the "Ridiculously Vivid" section?! Or, does one buy a normal wig and then DYE IT FUCHSIA???? I was going to ask her, but then traffic started moving. Also, let's be honest, I was never going to ask her. And now we'll never know.

I'm taking the GRE a week from Saturday. I'm unprepared. Sigh.


Hey Flops, where's our Evil M and Poor P update???

In other news, I hate everyone.

Update: Okay not really.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

And the money keeps rolling out... in all directions...

So my horrible banking ordeal continues with me continually dumping money into the account, but since the money takes a long time to process (and I am not in the state), I get worse and worse overdraft fees and my money isn't going anywhere near making me at a balance near zero and able to close my motherfucking account. I called the effing bank and they transferred me three effing times so by the time I got to someone with an IQ over 40 I was on the verge of tears. But this woman was so sweet, with her sweet Southern accent, and she soothed my frayed nerves and gave me her name and I have to call her tomorrow when my next doomed payment comes in and then we'll be working on how to fix everything. So although I am still shaken and annoyed and wishing I'd gotten her the first time I called two weeks ago because then I wouldn't be in this mess, I feel a little bit less like throwing up.

The problem with my other blog is that I can't post scary things like this because my family reads it, and so forth. I can only post the very positive and cheerful events of my life that other people would want to read. I'm so glad I have my SiS. :)

Monday, August 14, 2006

Reporting at 10:37 PM

I do feel sorry for him. I know what it's like to be manipulated, and girls are much smarter and trickier than guys, for that matter. But even if he is the dumbest simpleton in the Universe, I would not wish her on him. I really would not. The way she reacts to him doing anything (like yawning three times) is so extreme that I can't say anything but that he thinks it's a normal way for a girl to behave. He's like an emotionally battered husband.

I wish you luck, Flo, and hopefully the evening will end with you making out in the back of your car and the evil villain shouting with rage on the sidewalk. However, if such does not happen, I will not hold it against you. We've got plenty of time, especially when you move here, to make him see the light.

In other news: did you hear about the inability of ye olde theatre co. to make CK's "Trailer Park" musical? I am trembling to hear what will be the substitute.

Additionally, my face is still covered with unsightly (but thank god, hard to see) allergic reaction bumps, and the countdown to meeting-people time is getting dangerously low. Eek! Nothing worse than skin conditions to cause alienation and ridicule. Yay.

PS: Reading Palace Walk. Really interesting, about really strict Muslims.

Okay, over and out.

On the making of beds

Eventually all you can say about a person is that they made their own bed and now they must lie in it. If he is not smart enough to see through all her crap, and to not put up with her OBVIOUS insanity, well then he should just climb into his bed full of psycho and I hope it is comfy.

M is called Psycho M for a reason, after about 3 months of friendship with her anyone can tell she is more than slightly unhinged. Those three months are the key parts of her psychosis however, her "Stealth psycho" if you will, she seems normal, friendly, fun to hang out with, until you try to have an actual conversation with her about the actual real world in which we actually live. At this point it will become reasonably obvious to most rational people that the world in which WE live and the world in which SHE lives differ in some extremely key ways. The formost of which is that M is not actually the center of our universe. Now if having a vague friendship with her can cause this realization, I can only imagine the depths of insanity that she would sink to in the course of an actual relationship. In fact, I don't want to imagine.

So the fact that it has not yet dawned on him that she is compltely unhinged and that he hasn't been able to see her suicide threats and other psycho manipulations for what they are render my sympathy for him relatively obselete.

Or maybe it's just cause his opera was stolen. Whatever.


She dumped him, they're back together, and they're moving in together in Boston.

Apparently, when she got off the plane (she was here to visit him and to see his opera - which he totally stole, btw) he yawned "three times" and said, "I'm tired, where's your luggage." It was then that she realized that "he's not in love with me anymore." Hm... I yawned through the whole rest of the explanation. "He loves my cat more than he'll ever love me!"
She went with him and his mother (who, by the way, is a 30 year older version of M - which explains it all...) back to his place. He, then, told her that she should go get some food because he'd already eaten. So, in an immense act of defiance, she left alone to get food. At this point, she called R looking for a place to stay cause she was planning on leaving P that night. R, of course complied, and figured she'd be over soon (it was like 2pm on Friday). HOURS go by and around 10pm, she calls R needing a ride... R has no car... So he borrows mine...
What apparently happened, is that she went to his opera even though she was going to dump him, and then called for a ride and help carrying stuff. R went to get her, and she made him wait around so they could leave after P got back - so the drama would be at its peak. She came to R's house for a bit, and then cried a bunch, and then ended up calling P, and they went to go talk in the parking lot of Giant Eagle, and then they were POOF! back together... Even though her stuff was still in my car... I had the pleasure of returning it the next day...

Anyway, we're about to go eat with P before he leaves for Boston tonight... I'm gonna make one last attempt, which is going to be me telling him he's miserable and that he should dump her... Wish me luck!!

...They also eat their young

What is the deal with those "black widow" kinds of girls? They make the whole gender look bad. I always wonder, how can you go through life twisting everything so much that no matter what happens you go on believing your own lies?

I feel terrible for P. However, I am still clueless as to what exactly went on. She dumped him and they're still moving in together? What is the deal? Also, I hope she never finds this blog. I wouldn't put it past her to sue for libel.

So, Flops, Sister in Snark, would you please get us up to date in full on the situation? Much appreciate it.



The answer to that is no. Absolutely not. She's going to strangle him to death and then eat his remains.

What really bugs me isn't even that I'd rather be dating him - which I would - it's just that she's SO EVIL and making him SO MISERABLE. It's pathetic and SO SAD.

Also, this blog is the best idea since Kraft Cheese Singles.


This is so awesome! This blog is going to be the best best ever. Once we figure out what to talk about. ;)

P.S.: Will Evil M ever loosen her deathgrip on Poor P? Discuss.


Soon to be home to the always charming, ever sassy and ceaselessly awesome Sisters in Snark, where we will bring you Snarkiness at its most FABULOUS from across the US.